Why playgroups could put me in therapy
June 26, 2009 by Shannon
I have an admission to make. Mommy groups make me nervous.
Don’t get me wrong. Kellan and I have had several awesome playdates since I left my job and we’ve had a great time at every single one of them. But all of them have been pretty basic, with just one mom and her kid(s). There’s something about a big group of mothers and kids that amps up my anxiety level.
Perhaps my problem stems from the very first playgroup I ever attended just a few weeks ago in Seattle. I tagged along to a mommy group get-together with my best friend, her two-year-old and her newborn.
When we arrived at the park, I glanced at the picnic shelter and noticed one thing — bubbles. Not the kind of bubbles produced by a kid or two with a bubble wand. I’m talking MASSIVE CLOUDS of shimmery spheres. It was like a furious, whirling bubble tornado. The gathering looked more like a kid’s birthday party than a playgroup, so I asked, “Is that where we’re going? By the bubbles?”
“Yeah,” said my friend. “They’re from a bubble machine. Tammy (all names have been changed) just bought four of them at Target because they were on sale. I think she uses them every day.”
FOUR? I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of woman would own that many industrial-strength bubble making gadgets. I would soon find out.
As we approached the shelter, Tammy shouted, “Okay, everybody! Over here! Over here! Gather around! Jackson learned to use the potty this week, so it’s time to do the potty dance!” The moms gathered up their preschoolers and adjusted their infant baby carriers. Tammy climbed on top of a picnic table and started to sing.
Jackson goes pee pee in the potty
He never goes in his pants
And when he goes in the potty
It makes me want to dance!
And dance, she did.
Tammy executed a booty-shaking jig on top of the table, hopped down to the somewhat bewildered-looking Jackson and displayed his potty completion certificate. A chorus of “yay” sounds rose up from the group, as Jackson took his certificate in one hand and dragged a little girl away with the other. The moms giggled and cooed at the cuteness of the young couple and rejoined the discussion already in progress.
They rehashed — and rehashed and rehashed — that week’s episode of a certain show about a troubled husband and wife with eight children. They swapped observation and analysis on everything from the wife’s smirks, to the husband’s eye rolls. Then they thoroughly debated and examined recent tabloid publications concerning the couple. Then one mom noted that perhaps they should just be a discussion group for the show rather than a playgroup. (Note: In case you’re wondering, I am not a fan of this particular show, and don’t care to repeat its name.)
As a casual observer and newly minted stay-at-home mom, I thought, bubble machines that rival those of a circus? A table-dancing, booty-shaking song leader? An in-depth analysis of a family reality show I’ve come to revile? Is this what mommy groups are all about? If I join a playgroup at home, will I start spontaneously jumping on picnic tables and singing about pee pee??? Ahhh! Red alert! Red alert! Anxiety level reaching dangerous levels!
So. You wanna schedule a playdate? Sure!
You want me to join your playgroup? Umm, I’ll have to think about that. Therapy is expensive.
Comments (6)
Oh my goodness I had no idea what I’d been missing. Working mom’s barely have time with their kids let alone time for playgroups as you know, so I’ve never delved into that side of motherhood. I have to agree with you that the “show which will not be named” is not one of my favoites either and I’ve never even seen it, I just don’t have much patience for a couple of parents who would put their family on display and turn their children’s lives into a circus sideshow act. Perhaps I’m being too harsh, but give me my anonymity any day.
I went to an official playgroup exactly once. It made my head hurt. I have since adopted a policy to remove myself from any situation where there are more than three women wearing Khaki pants and tennis shoes.
I have to speak up in defense of playgroups. Yes, there are many that don’t click but there are some that are awesome. When they work they are an amazing support network. Especially for mom’s far from extended family.
The playgroup I am in with my girls is awesome. We have never discussed the show that will not be named. (So with you on that!) We often discuss kids but we also discuss things like food politics, books, future work plans/aspirations, etc. We have even occasionally started leaving the kids behind and going out for wine. I’ve had a few bad playgroup experiences in the long past but I’d happily try out a few that didn’t work to have found the awesome group of women I now call good friends.
So please don’t let the bad scare you away. It’s kind of like dating. No guarantee the first will be the right fit.
Oh. My. God. Just reading about that scared me (after I got done laughing at it). I hope you find a good supportive playgroup that doesn’t involved dancing on tables (unless there are cocktails for the moms, but something tells me that’s a no-no.)
Good luck on that one.
P.S…..seriously, why do people watch that crap? Glad you aren’t naming the show…not worth it.
Rose, I’m glad you put in a word about the positive side of playgroups because I know many of my friends love them! They most definitely can become a support group (moms need all the support they can get, in my opinion) and as you mentioned, they can turn a group of women into the best of friends. No argument there.
I’m just skittish. But I’ve always been that way. I was the last to join in the dodge ball games at school, and as an adult I usually glue myself to a wall at parties if I don’t know anyone. I’m sure a playgroup will win me over at some point. I just have to dip my toes in the water one or two or ten times before I commit.
Anyone else love/hate the idea of big group playdates? Did you love your group at first sight, or did it take you a while to warm up to the idea?
I’ve always been amazed at how apparently-sane women undergo character overhaul upon childbirth. All that dancing on tables, scolding mid-street, singing in the open, and a general insatiable fascination with assorted gloop. And yet even Tammy, at one stage, must have been ‘normal’, surely? I’m not sure if that gives us hope, or simply endangers our future respectability!
I’ve accidentally ended up in a ‘Young Wives Group’, a bunch of mostly-mums who meet up every Wednesday lunchtime for pizza, carrots and other easy toddler-fodder. We never actually manage a real discussion as such (what with the chain-wailing in the background!), but we sometimes almost talk! In theory, you would never find me there, but, like you, a friend invited me, and it all went downhill from there…
Hope it gets betterer!
Rosie