AnchorMommy

Visible M(Others): How to be a WAHM

March 4, 2010 by Shannon

WAHM. Have you ever said the word out loud? Go ahead! Try it. Sounds weird, right? It’s even weirder to think of it as your job title. But that’s me — Shannon Paterson, Work-At-Home Mom. For some reason, I’m tempted to give the word a little Emeril Lagasse flair when I say it. Shannon Paterson, WAHM! (I guess his signature saying is BAM, which would make WAHM sound more like WHAM, but you get the idea.)

I never really wanted wanted this title. I desperately wanted to be one of those women — the ones who have the magical balance known as “having it all.” I wanted the professional career AND the title of Mommy. But for me, at least, it became clear that having it all required me to place both feet firmly on the brink of insanity. Sure, I looked like I was in control. At least I think I did. But on the inside, my stress level was skyrocketing.

Having it all means having more to balance. And the more you have to balance, the more thinly stretched you become. So when my professional life became more demanding, I knew something had to give. So I walked away from the only thing I could: my career. Suddenly, instead of being the woman trying to have it all, I became the woman trying to become a WAHM. I needed something to keep me connected to the world outside my front door, because as much as I love my son, I knew I’d find a whole new kind of insanity if all I did was build block towers and sing the ABC’s all day long. And I soon found out that the WAHM thing is a whole new ball game.

Besides this blog, I also write for a local publication called Meridian Living. This requires interviews — lots of interviews either in person or over the phone — and a whole new balancing act begins. I schedule phone interviews while my boy is sleeping. I call in favors with his grandparents, and ask them to watch Kellan while I go to meet an interviewee over coffee. I type furiously while he’s napping or in bed for the night. I even haul Kellan along with me to magazine planning meetings.

And oh, the planning meetings. The staff is all women, many of them mothers themselves, so it’s a kid-friendly bunch. Not to mention the fact that the editor and publisher also has a little boy. So our kids play, or rather, look at each other suspiciously as they select various toys with with to entertain themselves, while the rest of us plan away. But there are always the interruptions:

“Oh! I love that idea! In fact, I have the perfect person we could talk to. Her name is…just a minute.  (whispering) What? What Kellan? You want to color now? Okay, here. Here you go. Just sit there and color quietly so Mommy can talk. What was I saying? Oh yeah. So the person I’m thinking of is… What now, Kellan? Yes. Yes that crayon works just fine, white just doesn’t show up on white paper. Use the red one. So anyway, this person has a great perspective on the issue and would be really interesting to talk to…  You have to go pee? Okay, come on. The bathroom is this way. (sheepishly) I’ll be right back.”

Like I said, these women are very forgiving. And being a writer definitely offers me a fair amount of freedom when it comes to working at home. But even though I can go to my “office” in pajamas and slippers, I can’t always accomplish everything I hope to in a day. I can’t slip out on my lunch break to grab a coffee and do a little shopping. My work responsibilities constantly clash and collide.

This dichotomy between working mom and work-at-home mom is even more clear to me now, as I wrap up a six week stint back at my former job. It’s just part time — 20 hours a week — but it’s a schedule that requires late nights — not always easy for a mom raising a preschooler and expecting a baby. My schedule is packed from the second I wake up each day, until I hit the pillow again around midnight. It’s rough. On the plus side, I get to spend a whole day with my boy. The trade-off is, I’m not around for dinner or Kellan’s bathtime/bedtime. Another pro: since I work 6-10 p.m. instead of my old 2-10 p.m. schedule, I can let Kellan’s day play out naturally. I used to have to cram my time with him into those precious few hours between his 8 a.m. wakeup and his 11:30 a.m. nap, because right after naptime I had to rush him off to daycare.

So I’ve been on both sides of the fence now. I’ve been the mom who works outside the home, and I’ve been the WAHM. Sometimes, when I’m between deadlines, I’m more of a straight-up SAHM. And when it comes down to it, I will take the crazy juggling act that is WAHM life any day. Any. Day. Because even if I have to hide in the closet to make a professional phone call now and then, and even if I have to ask childcare favors of grandparents and the occasional friend, I have a pretty good work arrangement. In my book, a good schedule is one in which you get daily hugs and kisses and the ability to eat popsicles in the middle of the day. That’s me. That’s my life. Shannon Paterson, WAHM!